DO YOU NEED RESPECT?

Torah 202 in "Likutei Moharan" starts with the words, "The more limited a person's intellect is, the more respect one needs to show him. This is because the more limited his intellect, the more he craves honor."

As soon as I saw this idea, I realized that it pulls the rug from under the feet of many contemporary shalom bais specialists. They just love telling women that they must show respect to their husbands because men have a powerful need to be respected by their wives.

I always had my doubts about that approach, but now it's perfectly clear to me that it can only work if the wife doesn't learn "Likutei Moharan" and so has no idea what her husband's deep need for respect really says about him. Then she might be able to give her husband proper respect even if he needs and demands it, and not just inspires it in her naturally with his personality and behavior.

But Rabbeinu said that in the future, the whole world would become Breslovers... And he did encourage his students to make their wives chassidos... So the question remains.

Here is my take: a woman has a deep need to respect her husband. But, ironically, it's precisely her husband's need for that respect that robs her of the ability to give it to him sincerely and naturally.

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