I never felt part of the world and never had any sense of belonging. This is probably understandable, considering that I grew up in a Russian working-class neighborhood, with practically no Jews around but with a lot of Anti-Semitism (or maybe just plain xenophobia). This made an indelible impression upon me, and, try as I might, I could never really shake it off. When I was very young, I still tried to fit in, but, after I came to America with my parents at the age of 22, it became too hard. After a few feeble attempts, I totally gave up on being part of the world and sunk into a deep depression. After a few years, I came back to Russia but couldn't find a place for myself there, either. I had a felling that, if I ever allowed myself to become part of the world, it would somehow destroy me. For this reason, I was mortally afraid of getting a full-time job; I earned some money (not much) by giving private English lessons, but, for the most part, I was supported by my father. Then,...
We are really lucky, if only because we really meet this phrase. Thank you
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