FROM "TEIKU" TO "TIKKUN", PART II

In the previous post, I've written that there is a way (or many ways) to get from "teiku" to "tikkun" - from unresolved life dilemmas and feeling totally stuck to real soul correction. This way is hinted in the Hebrew spelling of these two words: "תיקו" and "תיקון". As it's easy to see, the only difference between them is the letter "ן", which is missing in "teiku" but present in "tikkun". So we just have to find this missing "nun", understand what it represents, and bring it into our lives!

Since I first began pondering this idea a few days ago, I've realized that there are quite a few missing "nuns". One of them is connected to the numerical value of this letter, which is "fifty". So this "nun" can be seen as representing the fiftieth gate of wisdom. Upon reaching this gate, a person receives the advice uniquely suited to them at this point in time; this enables them to get unstuck and really start working on their tikkun. As explained in Breslov sources, the way to the fiftieth gate of wisdom lies through doing hisbodedus and saying Tehillim.

Now let's talk about someone who's managed to fulfil this recommendation: after talking to Hashem a lot and saying many chapters of Tehillim, they've reached the fiftieth gate. With that, they received an understanding of what exactly Hashem (and their neshamah) wants them to work on. Now what? How can they ensure that they retain all of their enthusiasm and don't allow this advice to get buried in the day-to-day routine? What is the key to really getting the job done?

I couldn't answer this question for a while and so couldn't understand why, even after receiving my unique piece of advice, I was still feeling a bit lost. And then I thought of another "nun", which, as I came to realize, was inextricably connected to the first one. This "nun" is the first letter of the world "nitzachon" that means "victory". I had to admit that knowing what I needed and wanted to achieve just wasn't enough. To really make that happen, I needed to make a consistent program because the way to the top lies through many small victories. Now I try to ensure that even one day doesn't pass without such a victory when I make another tiny step, conquering the next bit of what that's holding me back and gradually moving forward.

And this is where Breslov ideas and practices are very different from anything that psychology (even contemporary Jewish religious psychology) has to offer. I used to be a big fan of Miriam Adahan, the famous Jewish psychologist. I read her books, visited her a few times, and even wrote my own little book about working on her "Victory Cards for Children" with my two boys.

Yet I always had a feeling that something was missing, that whatever she was offering just wasn't deep enough. For example, she had a motto, "Do the thing you fear to do!" I faithfully tried to adhere to that, but after a while it began to feel like plain old masochism. After all, why on earth should I do something that scares me? What do I stand to gain?

Now everything is different. Even though it would be preposterous to claim with 100% certainty that I have indeed reached the fiftieth gate of wisdom, still, the advice I've received and the goals I now have are absolutely and totally mine. They speak to me and motivate me. I really want to fulfil that advice and to reach those goals, and this is what inspires me to make many small victories every day, even when it means doing something that I was previously afraid of doing. 

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