Breslov Blog

Yesterday me and my husband went to Kever Rochel. I had long been fascinated by gematrias, and so on the way there I did a quick calculation that the words "קבר רחל" ("Kever Rochel") have the same numerical value as the word "רשם" ("imprint"). This made me realize that a visit to Kever Rochel is supposed to make an imprint on a person, and I had a feeling that our visit really would.  When we got to Kever Rochel, I went to the ezras nashim and started saying Tehillim. For some reason, they resonated with me like almost never before, and it was difficult for me to tear myself away when the rime was up and I had to go back to meet my husband and get on the bus, I was sure that, somehow, a new chapter was starting. Back home, I decided to review the Torah in "Likutei Moharan" that deals with saying Tehillim- Siman 73 in the second part (all the more so because it is related to the Counting of the Omer, the period that we are in now). Ther...

I never felt part of the world and never had any sense of belonging.  This is probably understandable, considering that I grew up in a Russian working-class neighborhood, with practically no Jews around but with a lot of Anti-Semitism (or maybe just plain xenophobia). This made an indelible impression upon me, and, try as I might, I could never really shake it off. When I was very young, I still tried to fit in, but, after I came to America with my parents at the age of 22, it became too hard. After a few feeble attempts, I totally gave up on being part of the world and sunk into a deep depression. After a few years, I came back to Russia but couldn't find a place for myself there, either. I had a felling that, if I ever allowed myself to become part of the world, it would somehow destroy me. For this reason, I was mortally afraid of getting a full-time job; I earned some money (not much) by giving private English lessons, but, for the most part, I was supported by my father. Then,...

The numerical value of Rabbeinu's name נחמן (Nachman) is 148. There are a number of other words that have the same gematria: "קמח "("flour", which could also mean material sustenance in general), "נצח" ("eternity"), and "חלקי" ("my portion").  As I once wrote, this can be understood to mean that, if a person really makes Rabbeinu into their portion and stays with him through thick and thin, then Rabbenu is going to give that person everything they need, in ruachnius as well as in gashmius , both in this world and in the Next One. But how can a person attach themselves to Rabbeinu? It was only today that I thought of another word that has the same numerical value: "בממוני" ("through my money"). Words and declarations, however passionate, are not enough. It is only through giving money to the tzaddik (or through supporting his causes) that one really becomes included in him. On the one hand, this is pret...

The word "ערוה" ("lewdness", "illicit relations") is very interesting. It has four letters, like the Name of Hashem יהוה; moreover, its last two letters are the same as the last two letters of this Name. As for its first two letters, if rearranged, they spell the word "רע" ("bad"). So it can be seen as a  special Name of Impurity because, as it says in " Koheles ", Hashem "created one opposite the other". As is known, the first two letters of the Name יהוה signify the level of the mochin (spiritual intellect). So this is what ערוה really is: replacing the spiritual intellect, the higher consciousness with the overwhelming desire for illicit relations. That's why it is said that the main פגם הברית (damage of the Covenant) occurs on the thought level. 

As always, the preparations for Pesach bring with it a powerful feeling of renewal, which reminds me of Torah 6 in "Likutei Moharan" with its haunting message of " ana zamin lemehavei " - "I'm preparing to be". This Torah is about teshuvah , and it teaches us what teshuvah is all about: realizing that the way we've been living is very far from true being; it's just barely functioning and existing, like we're not even there. And, of course, true being means living our lives with awareness of Hashem and letting it affect everything we feel, think, say, and do. It's interesting that the words "I'm preparing to be" - "אנא זמין למהוי" in Hebrew - have the gematria of 250, the same as the word "נר" - "a candle". So when we go searching with a candle during bedikas chametz , this is what we should have in mind: that we're looking for the last traces of what is holding us back from true being. It...

 T orah 31 starts with the following enigmatic request that the Wise Men of Athens made to the Talmudic sage Rabbi Yehoshua ben Chananya: "We have a well in the desert, Bring it to town." At the end of that Torah, Rabbeinu explains what they were really asking:  how can a person who believes that their sustenance (signified by the well) can only be found in the desert (that is, in a place devoid of holiness) attain a level where their livelihood is directly governed by Divine Providence?  Rabbi Yehoshua ben Chanany answers (as interpreted by Rabbeinu) that this person should observe Shabbos, which will bring them to  emunah , and also guard the Covenant. Then they will gradually reach a level where all their sustenance will be connected to holiness, like l echem hapanim  in the  Bais HaMikdash . It's good to realize that ultimately even very high levels are within our reach. But for this, we need tzaddikim that can teach us which steps we need to take to ge...

In Torah 31 Rabbeinu explains that, if a person wants to accomplish a davar sheb'kedushah (a holy thing), this thing will also long to be accomplished by that person. When I read this, this filled me with hope. Perhaps this means that, if I want to do something good and holy, this "something" will daven to Hashem, asking Him to help me achieve it as soon as possible. Maybe, just maybe, it will also send me hints about the best way to get to it. So, from now on, I'm going to be on the lookout for those hints, and stop feeling so lonely in my striving... It's so gratifying to feel that one's efforts are important and welcome!